Following lights on the stage of life

Seven years in Britain. Seven kilograms heavier. Coincidence?

A Polish woman who moved to the UK discovers that she has unknowingly absorbed something far more dangerous than British cuisine – British politeness.

The endless “sorry”, “please”, “would” and “could” have infiltrated her language, her behaviour and perhaps even her body. Her scientific mind attempts to explain the mysterious weight gain. Has “would” settled on her thighs, “could” on her hips, and every unnecessary apology around her waist?

One day, a bus driver closes the doors right in front of her. Instead of swearing, she apologises. To the bus doors.

She is horrified. She has become British.

Through absurd encounters, sharp cultural observations and unapologetic humour, the play explores the bewildering world of British social conventions, from London’s unspoken rules to Edinburgh’s relentless wind, incomprehensible accents and unexpectedly friendly bus drivers.

But beneath the comedy lies a deeper question: what does politeness really mean, and what might it conceal?

As the protagonist navigates the differences between Polish directness and British politeness, she begins to question how language shapes our behaviour, relationships and sense of belonging.

Memories of her childhood in Poland resurface, including a strict schoolteacher who taught her that the best way to avoid apologising was never to make mistakes. Determined to be perfect, the young girl gradually learned to make herself invisible.

Perhaps British politeness, however infuriating, has taught her something unexpected: that she can make mistakes, take up space and still belong.

7kg of British Politeness is a witty, personal and thought-provoking comedy about cultural differences, language, identity and the freedom to be imperfectly yourself.